do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
