I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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