I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just forgot I was standing up.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
