Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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