just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
