i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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