i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
