Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
