i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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