Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i believe in u and ur pee
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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