bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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