Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
