ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
