Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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