I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
