If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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