I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
