haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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