so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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