What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
