No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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