Dual....:-)
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
