guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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