your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
