"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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