Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
