My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
A+ Viking dick
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
