dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
