I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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