it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
