I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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