I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
