"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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