I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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