My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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