I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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