you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
