3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
