Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
