hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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