At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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