WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
