On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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