I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
