Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
