Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
