I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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