I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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