omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
