Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
