Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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