She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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