According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize