I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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