I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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