Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
