i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
