So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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