I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
