Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
